There are times when we, lowkey, look to Bruce Bogtrotter from Roald Dahl’s Matilda as gourmand #inspo. First he remorselessly thieves a slice of chocolate cake from the fearsome Miss Trunchbull, despite the looming threat of spending a few hours in the Chokey. Second, when confronted and punished by being forced to eat a full cake that is literally bigger than his face, does he beg for forgiveness? Does he falter? No. This hero proceeds to power through the sugar sweats and consume it all. He even licks the plate clean. Iconic.
The optics of taking such a stance might not exactly work for the local patisserie, which is why it is extremely important that we tell you about Bangalore’s new summer blessing: cake shakes from the dubiously named CakeZone.
As you’ve probably guessed, this is not the energy drink your trainer recommended. Instead, fans of that famed sporting event, The Great British Bake Off, may come together and test their skill and strength in the technical round - how dextrously can one draw sinfully thick and indulgent shake through a straw? The answer is: not very. Those who medal will not look pretty in the process; these are probably the thickest shakes in Bangalore. There’s the texture of moist cake in every swallow, leading us to think that this is one of those two-ingredient marvels: an entire cake, plus milk to help it along.
On a revolting, gluttonous late-night dessert party last week, Red Velvet and Chocolate Brownie emerged as winning flavours (the latter has been enhanced with Nutella), but we have a quick note of recommendation for plain-Jane Vanilla. Despite its bland appearance, this shake is positively angelic in its buttery richness, and weirdly, the perfect antidote to fiery weekend indulgences. However, if you feel compelled, by some nutritious notion, to order the fruitier flavours, don’t. The blueberry cake shake is cloyingly sweet in that way only a hefty dose of bad artificial flavouring can impart. Just accept who you really are and get the good stuff, instead.
Before we leave you to ascend to final Bogtrotter form, a quick tip from a fellow Bruce: stick these in the fridge just after they are delivered. The ice cold thickness provides existential comfort. Thank you, Miss Honey.
Getting there: Call CakeZone for home delivery at 080-39513573.
Sushmita Sundaram writes about funny people, odd things, and anything edible. Follow her on Twitter at @sushmitas.
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